"In Group Biases" - in me, not possible ! ! !

The past few days have been very different from the normal path of life, may be I was in a trance - I do not wish to know any different, anyways.

A famous study by the psychologist Bazerman revealed that all humans tend to stick to their very own. They would like to make decisions in favor of the people who are like them, look like them, talk like them, have the same food habits, and dress like them. Needless to say all the discriminatory factors of race, caste, creed, religion, region, language, sex, and color - all dominate human relationships, both personal and professional. These intense feelings of oneness with people with whom we percieve to be akin, were called "IN GROUP BIASES". Yet, the beauty of it all lies in living out of the reality. We hate to accept that we are biased, and love to flaunt our false sense of tolerance of humanity.

The study also revealed that though in our human frailty we tend to make important decisions with a deep rooted sense of "In group bias" - we profusely and vehemently believe and preach that we do not make any conscious decisions which can be seen as discrimination.

As conservative as I am, I believed that I was very accommodating. I found comfort in telling myself that I do not let any bias dominate my relationship with other humans. I told myself that I am outgoing, accepting, welcoming, and not ethnocentric in the least. I hated to recognize the fact that discriminations are made on the basis of color, caste, nationality, origin, race, language, food etiquette, eye color, and the texture of the hair (to name a few). The Lebensborn breeding program of the Nazi's was completely ludicrous for me - I could not imagine how humans can have such a feeling of genetic oneness and superiority.

However, a few incidents in the recent past are making me think otherwise. Most times when we make personal choices for ourselves, our future, our happiness, and our well-being - we perceive that the beginning of achieving these, can be only when we are with our own. We consciously, or unconsciously favor and propagate 'OUR VERY OWN." - regardless of whether we achieve emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual happiness from such associations. The concept of "I, ME, and MINE" is so very obvious when we make choices pertaining to dating, fellowship, marriage, and the like. Yet, I still tell myself that I am not ethnocentric or hypocritical, and that I do not suffer from relational xenophobia of any kind.

The more I think about it, the more puzzled I am at the end of the day. I am so torn - Am I hypocritical? OR Am I ethnocentric? Wait a minute....Am I racist? Do I look at people in my life, who are destined to make a difference - with the goggles of color, and texture. I pity myself along with most of us who do it intuitively - sadly a very poor manifestation of human associations I must say.

I want to get married on the grounds of affinity - to a man from my home town, one who speaks my language, shares my spiritual ideology, my cuisine, my color, my beautiful silk hair - regardless of whether we love each other or not. Would I even talk love, or much less about "LIKE", in the absence of this affinity. What should I choose; I wonder what will keep me happy - affinity, or love itself. I know people who have transcended affinity for love, or have sacrificed love for affinity - interestingly they are neither hypocritical nor xenophobic, THEY ARE IN LOVE OR IN DENIAL. Can this emotional surge called love be more discreet - help me decide where I want to be, with whom I would like to be - regardless of the IN GROUP BIASES.

May be not, I would like to cheer, applaud, and praise others who do not let In Group Biases dominate their personal lives. I am afraid to be one of them, I would rather live in my cozy world of affinity, still searching for meaning, love, and affection, than be in world of glaring contrast. But, at the end of the day I would like to tell myself that I am very tolerant, and that I am more than willing to assimilate - Bazerman knows better - INGROUP BIASES dominate our lives, and our very existence itself. We cannot be human before all these things separate us, can we???? ...I AM HUMAN (that is an enough excuse).