This evening I was at the Watson’s for dinner- I love going to their house; they are my friends and family. We spoke about a host of things and as usual Mrs. Watson inquired about my Mom (who lives in India); knowing all too well that I talk to my mom everyday. I was telling Mrs. Watson about some of my discussions with my mom and the growing wide emotional, cultural, and mental disparity between me and mom. All my life, I have bench marked against my mother – she is the most persevering, resilient, pious, patient, loving, and kind woman I have ever encountered in all my life. If in this lifetime, I can achieve even 10% of mom’s achievements – I will consider my self blessed.

My relationship with my mom has always been a close, strong bond that has withstood the test of time, distance, and grief. When I look back at my relationship with her and the motherhood that she so cherishes, I have mixed emotions. In India they believe that once a woman enters motherhood, she literally dies to herself and lives for her children. My Mom is an epitome of this belief. She is a wonderful mother, very affectionate, kind, encouraging, and yet a strict disciplinarian. I am the apple of her eye – and she makes no bones of letting me know that. She is my friend, confidant, and my counselor. I miss being with her greatly.

However, when I look back, I feel my relationship with my mom has never gone outside the Indian dimension of mother-daughter, love-respect, and love-discipline. I can talk to her about anything under the sun – eve teasing, my shopping list, the menu for dinner, my fears, my desires, joys, sorrows, and my dreams. However, I cannot remember me and my mom talking about important things for a girl – like sex, birth control, abortion, and the like. Even to this day, I find it very mushy to discuss my sex life and the demands of being a woman with my mother. It is simply very embarrassing.
I relate this to Indian society – where women are to learn and be subject to everything in silence. Considering that we are the second most populous country in the world, mothers and daughters in India, do not talk very openly about sex, and sexuality. It is taboo and should not be discussed by children and their elders. Despite all the advancement that the Indian society claims, it is not socially appreciable that women talk about sexuality and what makes them feel better. Growing up in Hyderabad, India in the 90’s – I picked up from social norm that it is socially degrading for a women to talk about her sexual fantasies, sexual partners, and the sexual acts that make her happy. It is so contrasting to me because we gave the world Kama sutra – centuries ago, what happened suddenly to the Indian society, that we became so prejudiced towards women? How much good has the Indian society done to every relationship ?? Why do we have to be such a closed, high-power distance society – dictating the norms for social, cultural, and family life ?? – how could me and mom have let this cultural, social setting determine our agenda, and discussions? Can we do it differently at least now??

Someday I wish to be a mother – and be able to raise my child in an atmosphere where my child will be able to openly talk to me about everything under the sun. Needless to say – I love my mother and cherish having her to love and pamper me. Try as hard as we may, we will never be able to break social taboos – that the Indian society has predetermined for mom and me – nevertheless, I love it.